Why do we fear silence? We seem to find every way to fight against it, music, t.v, phones. We find every reason not to stay still for long, only in moments of sleep do we maybe find this silence. I'll admit that I fear silence, i fear that stillness, cause for me its in those moments God begins to speak to my heart, and at times i'm not sure i'm ready for what He has to say.

  But as i've been living in community, i'm realizing how much i miss those oppertunities for silence. Here i have so many reason to never sit in silence. There is always someone to talk to, or watch a movie with or there is always some where to be. There are millions of prayers i have lifted up for myself and others around me but have never stopped to listen. As the days have gone on i've felt the need to be in silence, the need for stillness. I finally took the oppertunity the other morning for this silence i had long been seeming to run from. As i sat down and shut my eyes, i let out all the air in my lungs, a long exhale almost as if i was trying to let go of everything that was whirling around in me, everything that was heavy on my chest. And in that moment of submission, i felt my heart slow as i let the silence take over, and it was beautiful.

   In 1 Kings 19:11-13 it talks about Elijah going out to the mountain to stand before God. There are three great happenings, but the Lord was not in them...then suddenly there was a "gentle whisper". God didn't come to Elijah with great display or in  a loud booming voice, but in the wind, in a gentle whisper. This is how God works...this is how He has worked in my life, as of recently:)

   I always expect God to answer me in some great display. I get frustrated when i "don't hear his voice." but do i ever think to stop and be in silence enough to hear that whisper. Sure i think about it, but doing it, not so much. I just keep going. Knowing that if i really stop and listen i'm gonna get an answer and i'm not always sure i'll be abl to handle it, or believe it. But when i finally broke down and sat in silence i heard Him answer things i had almost forgotten about that i had asked, i had forgetten what troubled my heart because i had filled my life with so much else to push it down.

   Since being in GA i have confronted alot of things that i thought i had let go of. Past failures, past guilt and unforgiveness. I know that there is a reason all of these "resolved" issues are surfacing. And i realize these are things that i'm afraid to be still about, to let the whisper come to me in that still silence. But as i sat on the couch i felt somehting in me say to get up and get my "Come Away my Beloved" daily devotional. When i opened it up the page that was staring at me was titled "I joy over You."  As i began to read i felt the whisper let me know these were His words written to me:

  "At a great price i redeemed you because I have always loved you. When i planned this i foresaw you lost in sin and i loved you, chose you, and set my heart upon you. Rather then struggling to comprehend the working of my sovereignty, accept it, and rejoice in it! Draw near to me without spoiling the preciousness of our fellowship with shadows of self-condemnation."

  When i heard these words i just sat back in amazment. These were the words i was needing to hear at that moment. It was in this silence i found what i needed for Him to continue breaking my heart, so it is more moldable, so He could continue His work. It was in silence i found my answer, it was in this silence i understood a little more of what He wanted for me, for the first time in a long time, the silence was beautiful.